Why I Potty Train Like My Chinese Friends

I know many people successfully teach children to use the potty in a variety of ways, but for me it has been a good match to use the method people in the U.S. call diaper-free or elimination communication, which starts as 'catching' a baby's poop by knowing when they usually do it and develops into children knowing how to use the potty at a young age. I first learned about this method from families I talked to from China, Russia, Kazakstan and India. Actually, I think most of the world potties their kids this way since diapers are not as available, affordable or culturally accepted beyond a certain age. For many of us in the U.S., this method seems strange when we first hear about it. But I think this first impression has less to do with it being a crazy idea and more to do with how accustomed we are to disposable products and stores with fully stocked aisles.

I first learned about this method from two Chinese families in our church who had babies within a month of Nathan (thanks Hong and Liling!). They told me about holding their infants over the toilet every morning and letting them poop and then watching for signs that they were going to poop again throughout the day. I have to admit, when I first heard this I listened but thought of it as an interesting tradition that someone else had. It seemed so mysteriously impossible to me to imagine a 3 month old using the toilet. I even wondered if it would be cruel to force a baby to do something that it wasn't ready for.

After hearing the slow and steady success of Nathan's little friends, I started to wonder more about this method. Of course, it would be great if babies didn't have to have their poop squish onto their bottoms throughout the day and it would be great for me to use less diapers, but I still thought it might be a little heavy handed for a baby. I listened and as I heard the families talk about it in a very relaxed and nurturing way, I noticed that they seemed to emphasize their awareness of their child's needs vs. any kind of enforcement of a strict or unattainable expectation. Some days the kids pooped and some days they didn't. Some weeks 'worked' better than others. And over time, their children were developing some great routines and habits.

We started incorporating elements of this method into our lives when Nathan was 4 months and again when Bea was 6 months and it's going well. We go diaper free when it fits us and we take breaks when we need to. We've always done this part-time and we've had months where we stopped altogether because someone didn't want to stop moving long enough to sit anywhere! All in all, it has worked great for us. I like that I am stretched to listen to my children's communications both verbal and non-verbal, I have observed more of my children's personalities from simply watching them so closely and I am using less of the world's resources and landfill space. I also like that my children know that adults are listening to them, they are gaining an awareness of their bodies, and they are empowered to take care of their own basic needs.

I'm glad that Hong and Liling shared this practice with me and shared life with me so I could see first how this method works. We are better off with our world-wide family sharing their best practices with us.