One Determined Bird

Recently, we've been watching a determined bird. One morning we noticed a mama bird carrying dried grass and twigs into our neighbor's window sill; but after several seconds of balancing, the few pieces of scraggly nesting slid down the slippery vinyl into a pile in our driveway. At first it was fun to watch her making the nest. She would swoop so elegantly out of the sky with another piece of dried grass and work on her home so patiently one piece at a time. Then, after a few days of no results I started to get a little bit nervous every time I saw her working steadily away. What happens if she needs to lay her eggs and the nest is still in a pile in our driveway? After a few more days, I started to groan every time I saw her fly in with yet another piece of dry grass. "It's just not going to work there," I thought. "Don't waste your time, try another spot while you can!" Then one morning two weeks later, Nathan squealed that Mama Bird had finished her nest. Indeed, she was nuzzling in the last pieces of fuzz and fluff to the inside of her sturdy nest. Somehow, she had done it. We were all very excited and Nathan and Bea drew pictures of the completed nest.

Unfortunately, Mama Bird's nesting project had one more challenge to face. The next day, our neighbors noticed the nest in their window and took it down. We were pretty sad, but you can't blame them. A bird nest can be a little loud and messy for a window sill - they really seem better suited for a tree. While I was pretty discouraged for Mama Bird, I think she'll probably use that same determination to build a nest in another spot no matter how long it takes. I know I am a little higher on the evolutionary ladder than Mama Bird... and maybe my instinct to quit and try a new location or a new technique could be helpful... but there is still something admirable about Mama Bird's pure determination. I could probably stand to learn something from Mama Bird... maybe something about patience and endurance and being willing to work on a challenge in my own little nest and neighborhood for more than one day before I deem it impossible.

Praying with Beatrice

As usual, I said a prayer before our dinner and after the "Amen," Beatrice shook the hands she was holding and whispered a strong "Am-eh." But this time, instead of grabbing at the food on her plate after the prayer she grabbed for our hands again and passionately said, "Gack! Gack! Am-eh! Am-eh!" We all held hands and made our best attempt to pray with Beatrice.
"And thank you God for ducks."
Bea shakes her head no. "Gack! Gack! Am-eh!"
"And thank you God for dogs."
Bea shakes her head no. "Gack! Gack! Am-eh!"
"We're thankful for you, God."
Blank stare. "Gack! Gack! Am-eh!"
"Yes, Lord, thank you for that too."
Satisfied. "Am-eh."

Gardening

Our garden is ready to go! Nils built 3 amazing raised beds and a "bunny fence." On Saturday a big truck squeezed into our back yard and dumped a pile of gardening dirt for us to shovel into the beds. Now we have a few seedlings and some seeds planted and two enthusiastic members of the watering crew. We'll see what happens!

Exercisin'

"Let's do exercisin!'" This is what we hear from Nathan many mornings and evenings. Here are some of his amazing moves.

Then it is usually followed by either a string of jumping somersaults or a wrestling match. He also likes to do frog jumps or boxing with his dad.

A Conversation Overheard...

Dad: Ouch! Don't throw golf balls. That hurt.
Nathan: Why?
Dad: Because golf balls are hard and it hit my head. That hurts.
Nathan: Why?
Dad: It does. But... I have a pretty hard head too, I'm okay.
Nathan: Why?
Dad: Why what?
Nathan: Why do you have a hard head?
Dad: To protect my brain. Everyone has a brain in their head and it helps them think.
Nathan (giggling): I have a brain.
Dad: Yes, you do.
Nathan (very serious): Does Beatrice have a brain?

First Ice Cream

Yesterday was free cone day at Ben & Jerry's. We took a rainy evening outing and both children enjoyed their first ice cream cones. Beatrice knew she would love ice cream... I think she's always known this. I don't even think she needed to see it to know she loved it. She loves all sweets. In fact, her first step was prompted by a coke can in front of her (she still hasn't tried coke, but I'm telling you, she knows where to find sugary things! She is drawn to them.). Nathan has been the opposite. Until just recently he really didn't like any sugary treats. He doesn't like chocolate, he's not a big fan of icing or candy. He turned down his first ice cream cone at about a year old. He spit out gummy candies at a year and a half. Even this Easter he was trying and spitting out various candies at Grammie's house. But how long can a kid really hold out in our culture before we train them to like at least some form of sweets? This winter Nathan discovered that he likes plain sugar cookies and this spring, he's been saying he likes white icing and last night he got a "strawberry pine cone" (a.k.a. strawberry ice cream cone) and he ate it all up with pleasure. For better or for worse, I think his sugary taste buds are starting to develop. Beatrice also dove into her cone and sucked almost all of the ice cream out of her cone before eating the cone, starting at the bottom. That made a mess. On our way out we ran into our friends. Nathan and Beatrice enjoyed a nice, sugar induced, bouncing "ice cream dance" with Zoe, Tessa and Tate.



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Easter Egg Coloring

Yes... Beatrice is eating the newly colored egg and Nathan has a green hand.

Games

Nathan is a lot like his dad. One passion that they share is games. While Nathan has created his own version of Axis and Allies with his dad, the games he invents most of the time look a lot like this one. He called it "Fetch!" He built a playing field out of blocks that he placed in a precise design, then made a B-line to the kitchen to get 2 plastic forks (they had to be matching) and finally he showed me how to roll the ball around with the fork while making exploding noises. Another game I recently saw involved lining up plastic Easter eggs and swatting at them with a wooden spoon. And then there is the set of games that come after the drying rack has been cleared of Bea's cloth diapers. It may sound like this child has to make do without many toys... but that's definitely not the case. It's just that Nathan seems to see most of his toys (and everything else in the house) as tools to use in his elaborate games and inventions. I'm sure his skills at making games out of almost anything will serve him well in life... especially if he also gets bored as easily as his dad.

Chatting with Bea

I was sitting with Bea yesterday, helping her eat her yogurt and we were chatting. Well, not exactly chatting like I do with my almost 3 year old, but having a fun 16 month-old interaction. Bea was saying lots of sounds and words and I was responding with sounds and words. She was making lots of facial expressions and I was changing my face in response. She was using her body to throw spoons, wave hands and grab things from the table and I was reacting as I felt appropriate. As we were sitting together it started to occur to me that she was really watching my responses and I started to think about how much kids her age are learning about culture, gender, and world-view without us even thinking about it.

When she says "ba," I use my context clues and what I know about her to make my best interpretation as to whether she meant banana or ball or whether she was starting to sing "ba, ba, black sheep" or beginning to say "bye bye." In this unique time of lots of half-formed language, I find myself completing a lot of her words and feeding her short sentences that I think she can use instead of grunting and pointing. Most of the time, I think I am simply helping her out as she is searching for the right sounds and words, but I know there is a lot of interpretation involved. I often ask Bea, "Is that what you meant?" and she often nods yes to me. Sometimes the head nodding is enthusiastic and giggly like I just won the charades game, but sometimes it's a serious, slow, maybe slightly confused looking nod as if she's saying... "um, yeah mom, of course I was asking to clean up my toys before we go on a walk (is that what I was supposed to be asking for?)"

My interpreting assistance relies on a lot on my expectations of what I think would be normal for her to be saying in any given situation. Those expectations of what is normal are my culture, gender and world-view that I am teaching my children (whether I realize it or not!). It's what we called the hidden curriculum when I was teaching in the classroom. It's the lessons about who we think we are as people and how we think we should treat each other and how we think the world works and kids learn these things by being with us through all the unintentional, mundane parts of our day. It's not anything we teach directly or in a curriculum, but it's taught daily through the way the teacher or parent speaks, makes decisions, interacts with others... basically, the way we live our lives.

When Bea swipes her arm across the table and sends forks and spoons flying, I could say "No! bad girl," or I could say "Wow! You're strong," or I could say "Uh-oh." Do I give her an identity statement as a bad girl, a powerful girl, or one who just made a mistake? Then, do I say "Okay, you can clean it up" or do I say "Oh no, now I have to clean this up." Am I telling her that in our world kids are active participants in life or am I saying the adults do all the important work, or am I even saying that kids make moms do work they don't like? Yikes, it can get scary to think about all the possible messages I may be communicating.

Fortunately, this hidden curriculum takes many, many events and incidents to be formed (not just one reaction to a flying fork); one incident will probably not shape how my child sees herself, other people and the world. In fact, it's such a complicated set of observations and interactions that we can't even try to control it by simply remembering to say certain words in one particular situation... because the point is, this is the stuff we are almost always unaware of and it happens all the time. Ironically, if I want my children to become great people, I need to tend to my own development as a person. In the end, I have to trust that I can give my children the best of what my culture and gender and worldview have to offer if I'm continually aware of my own process of becoming the person I want to be, discovering the person my own creator made me to be... and that, interestingly enough, I learn by example from the gracious and loving way God interacts with me.

Puppy Love

For the last three nights I have only been able to doze into a light sleep because I am waiting. I am waiting for just the right combination of sounds to tip me off that it is time to run into Nathan's room and coax his rag-doll body out of bed or at least point him toward the edge before he throws up. The covers rustle, a little moan and "Mooooommmmy," I am off! Since the particular bug that Nathan caught only makes him throw up at night, I now know that throwing up in a bed requires a lot of clean up. There's the jammies, the sheets, the mattress cover, the pillow cases, the pillows, the blankie and then there is Puppy.

The first 2 nights, Puppy managed to stay tucked under the covers and was shielded from the stinky spray. But last night, Puppy was comforting Nathan during the throwing up and he had the goopy spots to show for it. After Nathan was cleaned up, the floor was sprayed and wiped, the new sheets and jammies were on and the dirty stuff was rinsed and in the washing machine... I tucked Little Man in again.

I was just walking out of his room when Nathan's head popped up, "Where's Puppy?" I barely got to start explaining that Puppy was taking a bath in the washing machine when a long, painful cry came out of a wide open mouth. Nathan was devastated. I gave him a polar bear to keep him company, which seemed to make the crying worse at first, and then just had to leave while he cried in bed. Nothing was consoling him. Three times that night he made a run for the washing machine. The first run was a direct bolt toward the washing machine. He ran with the determined gait of one who is ready to storm the prison despite the odds of a successful jailbreak. The second seemed to be a repeat play, perhaps to demonstrate to his parents how desperately he needed Puppy. The third run came later, after he had probably been asleep for a little while. The buzzer for the dryer went off and Nathan must have thought it was the buzzer for the washer. He seemed to be running toward Puppy before he was fully awake yelling "It's finished." In his sleepy fog, he didn't understand his dad's explanation of the buzzers or why he couldn't have Puppy yet. He was just upset.

A small part of me wondered if this dramatic nighttime incident had been a cranky result of an unhappy night and not actually about his attachment to Puppy. After all, Puppy spends most of the day wherever he was tossed to the side after his morning snuggle. There had even been sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's house where we forgot Puppy and Nathan took it all in stride without much fuss. But first thing the next morning, Nathan made a sleepy B-line to the washer and asked to have Puppy. He spent the morning rocking Puppy in his arms, whispering lullabies and other inaudible soft sounds. He seemed genuinely relieved to be holding Puppy again.

While Puppy is sometimes left unnoticed between naptime and bedtime, I can see that he does play an important role in Nathan's world. He's part of his routine, part of his stability, a faithful friend. When life gets hard or change is scary, its really nice to have a buddy who you can count on to be there with you. When Nathan's sister moved into his room, he started preschool, his teeth hurt or his tummy ached... Puppy was always there to be hugged.

Nathan recently told me that Puppy can't play fetch.
"Why?" I asked.
"He doesn't have a mouth." He explained.
"Where's his mouth?" I asked.
"I hugged him too much."

Baby

Beatrice said "doll" yesterday for the first time. These days she spends a good deal of time carrying her baby, rocking her baby, and feeding her baby.

Pioneer Mom

Over the three years that I have been at home caring for my young children, I have noticed that I'm getting closer and closer to... well, Pioneer Mom. It started out with an interest in cloth diapering. Experiments in washing methods led me to discover recipes for homemade natural cleaning products. Then, I couldn't part with some memorable baby clothes... so I quilted together a couple of baby blankets out of them. After that, sewing knee patches or mending a skirt didn't seem too hard. Then, I focused my creative energy on healthy home-made foods and started baking my own bread each week. This Spring's adventure will be my vegetable garden that I am already mapping out now. Where did Pioneer Mom come from? Why did she suddenly start to show up in my life?

I think Pioneer Mom has been my solution to the sometimes repetitive, sometimes isolating, sometimes... frankly, boring daily tasks of mothering young children. Pioneer Mom gives me a creative outlet, provides endless projects to research and figure out, connects me to my local community and has economical benefits for a 1 income family.

There is of course one large difference between me and Pioneer Mom. When my day gets hectic or my kids are sick or I need a break from one of these "creative outlets," I can put it all on hold and wrap my baby in Huggies, spray the Lysol, and order take out.

Yes, please.

Sometimes body language is enough.

Workbench

Every evening while I'm settling Bea into bed Nathan and Nils get to spend some special time together in the "workshop." They've been known to make wooden tepees, practice hammering and drilling, and fix toys; but this week a special project was completed. Now Nathan has his own workbench to build on right next to his dad's. It'll be exciting to see what comes out of the workshop now!

Why I Potty Train Like My Chinese Friends

I know many people successfully teach children to use the potty in a variety of ways, but for me it has been a good match to use the method people in the U.S. call diaper-free or elimination communication, which starts as 'catching' a baby's poop by knowing when they usually do it and develops into children knowing how to use the potty at a young age. I first learned about this method from families I talked to from China, Russia, Kazakstan and India. Actually, I think most of the world potties their kids this way since diapers are not as available, affordable or culturally accepted beyond a certain age. For many of us in the U.S., this method seems strange when we first hear about it. But I think this first impression has less to do with it being a crazy idea and more to do with how accustomed we are to disposable products and stores with fully stocked aisles.

I first learned about this method from two Chinese families in our church who had babies within a month of Nathan (thanks Hong and Liling!). They told me about holding their infants over the toilet every morning and letting them poop and then watching for signs that they were going to poop again throughout the day. I have to admit, when I first heard this I listened but thought of it as an interesting tradition that someone else had. It seemed so mysteriously impossible to me to imagine a 3 month old using the toilet. I even wondered if it would be cruel to force a baby to do something that it wasn't ready for.

After hearing the slow and steady success of Nathan's little friends, I started to wonder more about this method. Of course, it would be great if babies didn't have to have their poop squish onto their bottoms throughout the day and it would be great for me to use less diapers, but I still thought it might be a little heavy handed for a baby. I listened and as I heard the families talk about it in a very relaxed and nurturing way, I noticed that they seemed to emphasize their awareness of their child's needs vs. any kind of enforcement of a strict or unattainable expectation. Some days the kids pooped and some days they didn't. Some weeks 'worked' better than others. And over time, their children were developing some great routines and habits.

We started incorporating elements of this method into our lives when Nathan was 4 months and again when Bea was 6 months and it's going well. We go diaper free when it fits us and we take breaks when we need to. We've always done this part-time and we've had months where we stopped altogether because someone didn't want to stop moving long enough to sit anywhere! All in all, it has worked great for us. I like that I am stretched to listen to my children's communications both verbal and non-verbal, I have observed more of my children's personalities from simply watching them so closely and I am using less of the world's resources and landfill space. I also like that my children know that adults are listening to them, they are gaining an awareness of their bodies, and they are empowered to take care of their own basic needs.

I'm glad that Hong and Liling shared this practice with me and shared life with me so I could see first how this method works. We are better off with our world-wide family sharing their best practices with us.